Knowing what you think / feel and wish for is important
and therapy can help you with exactly this.
Would you like to know what you really want, wish for and desire in your life and to be able to feel confident in yourself, with others and in the world? Often times people are not even aware of what it is they really wish for and think about things, let alone feeling able to speak up to others.
Many people have learnt to put others’ needs and wishes and desires before their own and this eventually leads to breakdown or illness of some kind. Others have withdrawn from relationships because they don’t know how to be in them and speaking to a therapist about this is really important because we need others, we need to be with others because it is through others we know ourselves.
So often my clients tell me at one time or another that they knew it was the right step for them to seek therapy because something inside just felt that this was right. Some trusted this ‘something inside’ immediately and others’ said that their mind was just telling them ’no’, you must be crazy, and what will your friends think of you’ or ‘if you do this it really does mean that you are strange because you cant just get on with life as everybody else is’.
This ‘something inside of you’ that is telling you to reach out for help and find a therapist is so healthy and is a real life link! A real link to knowing yourself, to loving others and to be able to listen to the world from a place of confidence in responding.
When knowing what you think and feel is not easy for you, then life can be very difficult.
Differentiation and lack of it is at the heart of most relationship issues and according to Dr Ellyn Bader causes hostility, conflict and sooner or later the light of love has gone out of yourself and your relationships.
Here are a few questions to be curious about:
1. Do you know what you think or feel?
2. Do you expect others to know what you are thinking and feeling?
3. Do you stop yourself from asking for what you want because it feels vulnerable?
4. When you express yourself is it from your heart or is it in defensive and irritable ways?
5. Can you ask for support when you need it?
6. Do you feel others can tolerate your concerns?
Perhaps this little exercise of being ‘curious’ will begin the process of knowing yourself a little more and perhaps too, you can also get curious about what your body is saying to you. I like this verse that I saw last week written by ‘unknown’ that reminds us that for healing to happen we need to be curious about our energy, our physical body and our thoughts together as a whole:
Its not your back that hurts but your burden
Its not your eyes that hurt but injustice
Its not your head that hurts its your thoughts
Not your throat but what you don’t express or say with anger
Not the stomach that hurts but what the soul does not digest
Its not the liver that hurts its the anger
Its not your heart that hurts but love
and its love that contains the most powerful medicine
I would love to hear from you if you are interested in listening to ‘that something’ that is telling you to reach out and go for Counselling.